When you embark on couples counseling, it can feel like you’re sailing into unknown waters. Imagine two people trying to navigate to a treasure-island using separate maps and compass. Sometimes, the waters are calm and smooth. It is difficult to steer in the right direction when there are storms brewing or waves crashing.
Why do couples decide that they want to go into therapy together? The reasons for couples going to therapy are as diverse as fish in the water. Others are looking to resolve conflict that keeps resurfacing like persistent gulls. Some may want to rediscover their spark, like finding treasures buried on sandy beaches.
Couples counseling is a safe place for both parties to air their deepest concerns without fear of retaliation. It is not only about fixing what has broken. It is also about understanding how to communicate better when the sky turns gray.
It is a common misconception that couples in crisis need to seek therapy. True! You can think of counseling in the same way you would treat your boat. By checking in regularly, you can fix small issues before these become larger problems.
The process starts by showing the other person your navigation chart. A skilled therapist will act as an impartial third party and help translate these maps to facilitate a discussion that may otherwise be lost.
This conversation can take on a completely different tone when it’s guided by a professional counselor as opposed to being held at home. In therapy, the interruptions are minimal, distractions are few, and there is no need to change the topic to someone who forgot to get milk. Instead, it’s structured–like following maritime rules rather than freewheeling over the ocean.
Imagine that you are both in tandem kayaks. For you to be able to move forward, both of you will need to paddle in harmony. If you start paddling against currents or stop altogether, it will cause you to go in circles or drift away. Counseling helps you coordinate your efforts to navigate better together.
Realistically, it can be scary to open up about your personal problems. It takes trust and courage in your partner, as well as the therapist. The key is to create communication strategies which allow both partners to express themselves authentically and without fear.
Sessions could cover many topics – from minor irritations, like who’s turn it is (again!) to clean up the dinner dishes, to larger issues. To deeper issues, like different values or goals for the future. It’s true that sometimes past emotional whirlpools can affect the way you interact with others.
The therapist’s office can be a place where you try new ways of being with your partner. It is like trying out sailing techniques before taking to the open seas.
It is important to celebrate small victories along the way. You might finally get why your partner folds clothes a certain manner (even though it drives you insane). Or maybe it’s about learning to hear and understand them, even if their words are imperfect.
Although couples counseling doesn’t always go smoothly, there will be some bumpy waters. But the skills that you acquire can help you navigate your journey through life.
Consider couples counseling, rather than an SOS call for help. Instead, it’s an investment that will lead to smoother sailing.